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Honoring Memories
While also creating your own path and traditions.
The 303 Collective
November 23, 2024
Table of Contents
This Time Of Year Can Be The Most Challenging
The holidays are a time of warmth, connection, and tradition (and let’s be honest, also a time of stress, anxiety, and pain).
But when someone is experiencing the first holiday season without a loved one, it can feel bittersweet and overwhelming. Whether it’s cooking a beloved family dish, decorating the home, or simply sitting down for a shared meal, the absence of someone who played a central role can bring both joy and heartache - all valid feelings and emotions.
If you have a friend or family member navigating this tender time, there are meaningful ways to support them while helping them feel their loved one’s presence remains a part of their journey. And if you’re that friend or family member navigating that road on your own, know that you’re not alone.
While I do with I could tell you next year will feel more secure. Or in 5 years you won’t feel that void. I’d be lying, because you will, and it just fucking sucks. I lost my father almost 20 years ago and that wound still bleeds.
Take what we share below exploring five ways to offer encouragement and love, and how to remind someone that the ones we’ve lost are still with us in spirit.
More importantly than any words, any ways, any tips. Know that you are not alone. And if you need to talk, you can always reach out directly. Text, call, (860.977.9926) send up flairs. You are not along.
1. Be Present and Listen Without Judgment
One of the most powerful things you can do is simply be present. Often, people who are grieving don’t need advice or solutions—they just need someone to share their feelings with. Let them talk about their loved one, their fears, or their memories without trying to "fix" the situation.
For example, if they’re cooking a holiday meal for the first time without their loved one’s guidance, you might say:
“I can imagine how much this means to you and how hard it must feel. What a beautiful way to honor them.”
Creating space for someone to share their emotions openly helps them feel supported and validated.
2. Encourage the Continuation of Traditions
When a loved one passes, the traditions they upheld can feel daunting to continue. But these rituals are often the most meaningful ways to keep their spirit alive. Encourage your loved one to lean into those traditions—even if they feel imperfect.
If someone is cooking a signature dish for the first time, you might remind them:
“Even your dad probably had moments of doubt about cooking the turkey, but look how it became such a cherished tradition. He’d be so proud of you for carrying it forward, and he’ll be right there with you as you do.”
Remind them that the process is about connection, not perfection. Every attempt, every effort, keeps the memory alive.
3. Find Ways to Honor Their Presence
The loved ones we lose are never truly gone; they live on in our hearts, memories, and the traditions they’ve shared. Suggest incorporating a moment of remembrance into the holiday:
Light a candle in their honor at the dinner table.
Share a favorite story about them before the meal begins.
Cook one of their signature recipes and invite everyone to recall their memories of that dish.
These small acts help weave their presence into the day and remind everyone that they are still part of the celebration.
4. Offer Practical Support
The holidays can be emotionally draining, especially when grief is fresh. Offering practical help can lift some of the burden. Ask how you can help lighten their load, whether it’s shopping for groceries, preparing part of the meal, or simply being a sounding board as they plan.
For example:
“Why don’t I come over early to help set the table or chop vegetables? We can do it together and make it fun.”
Even small gestures of help can make a big difference in easing stress and making the day more manageable.
5. Reassure Them That They’re Not Alone
One of the hardest parts of grieving during the holidays is the feeling of loneliness or the fear of not living up to the memories of the past. Offer gentle reassurance that their loved one is still with them, in their heart, their actions, and the love they share with others.
You might say:
“I know this is your first Thanksgiving without your dad, and I’m sure it feels overwhelming. But everything you’re doing—cooking the turkey, gathering the family—shows how much of him is still a part of you. He’ll be right there by your side.”
By reminding them that their loved one’s influence remains woven into their life, you help them feel connected and supported.
Finding Comfort in the Presence of Memory
The holidays after a loss will always be different, but they can also be an opportunity to create new memories that honor the past. Encourage your loved one to embrace the imperfections, the emotions, and the small moments of joy that emerge even in the midst of grief.
By being there for them—through listening, supporting traditions, honoring memories, offering practical help, and reminding them of their loved one’s presence—you can help make the holidays a time of connection and healing.
Most importantly, remind them:
“It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions during this time. The love you have for your dad (or loved one) will always be with you, guiding and strengthening you. Every step you take is a testament to that love—and to the way he lives on in you.”
The holidays may look and feel different, but they are still a time for love, family, and remembering those who made them special. Together, you can help your loved one navigate this season with grace, compassion, and the comforting knowledge that they are never truly alone.
And hey! I love you man!
